Looking at this time I am struggling with insecurities. If life goes on without me for 7 weeks, then will I be needed when I come back? Will I be wanted? How significant can I be if people can do without me for 7 weeks? I am not talking about my family, nor my friends. I am talking about my workplace. My job. My ministry. I know, I know, if I am doing things correctly, I am working myself out of a position or at least I have trained people to be able to take over for me with great capability. Yet, I have thought a lot about my significance.
If I am honest, I have thought a lot about not being needed. As a father I was needed to the extreme, until I wasn’t. That is what I lived for, my kids to be self sufficient. I parented toward that. Do I do the same in my ministry/job? I guess I do. So what is the problem? Significance I suppose. You want an organization to find you significant enough to keep you around. That is what I tell young people breaking into the job market. Make yourself so valuable that your work can’t operate well without you. However there comes a time to train someone to do what you do so you can…, leave? No, I don’t think so. I think it is so you can do other things that will be important to the organization. So could my issue be change?
At first I was excited to go on this adventure of 7 weeks. Then I feared it. Now I have come to terms with the world will work fine without Terry Miller. I am coming back though. I am sure I won’t be forgotten, but I may come back to something different. Maybe that is a good thing. I don’t know. I’ll see when I get back. For now, I am trusting God, trusting the process and have reconciled myself to this journey that needs to happen no matter what. As I have prayed and allowed God to minister to my heart, I feel good about it. I am not totally secure that things won’t be different somehow when I return, but I know that God has me and I am significant in this life. Maybe that has been the where my mind has changed to allow God’s peace to invade me.
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